Milo: A Right Round Story
10/13/2023

This is the story of Billy

Billy is a plain man. A plain man of a plain lifestyle. His wife Pam is a regular standard housewife, his only child Stanley is an adult living off in Arizona while they still live Oklahoma. Billy wakes up, goes to work in his cubicle job, comes home to dinner at night, and goes to sleep. Without fail, no parody. It’s monotonous, insanely boring. Pam has little personality to speak of, as she plays Candy Crush, watches the news, while Billy wishes he could’ve divorced her before he had Stanley. Now he’s stuck in his stupid cycle of life where nothing ever happens. Nothing good nothing bad, not a single thing.

One day, Billy is leaving his work office and is off to his car. It’s about 5:30 PM when he gets a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to meet a mysterious cloaked figure. He was wearing a fedora and a tall tan trench coat with heavy black boots. Literally a cartoon hooded figure. Billy immediately hit him with the usual “I don’t have any change.” Out comes a small whispering voice, “I don’t need your chatty, Billy.” Billy turns around dumbfounded. How could this stranger know his name? “Billy I know you’re not in a hurry. You’re thinking about running away. Running away to your boring life, boring wife, and boring job.” Billy is scared beyond belief. In a quickness, he pulls out a can of pepper spray ready to blast this weirdo. He swipes off his hat, aims, and sprays. There’s nothing. He has no head. No neck, no body, yet he can captivate clothing. “WHAT THE…” Billy spouts before his can of pepper spray gets flung out of his hand. It hits a window across the street. “That’s a fraction of what I’m capable of. Billy, I’m going to give you the opportunity to create the most interesting world ever.” Billy just stands there, scared out of his mind but somewhat intrigued. “I’m going to give you two options. Option one is you live life on the edge. Defying death at every turn. Unlock a lifetime worth of possibilities.” Billy gulps, starting to sweat. “And…. The other option..?” “Nothing. That’s option two. Nothing, you get absolutely nothing. You keep walking like this never happened and you never see me again. Nothing changes, and your life stays the same.” Billy needs to think on this. The one thing he’s desired for years upon years. This is it. “I… pick.. option one.” Billy is frightened. He’s wanted change all his life and here it is. Did he make the right choice with the right person however? “As you command. Goodbye…” And like that, he dissolved into dust before Billy’s eyes. Billy is left standing in an empty sidewalk. Was it all a dream? Did that really happen? He decided to go home as normal, on the lookout for anything out of the normal. He walks into his house when his wife Pam starts screaming his name. “BILLY GET IN HERE WUICK YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!!!!” Billy runs into his living room to see the News on the TV. Apparently some guy hit the Eiffel tower and destroyed it and killed a few people along with it. P is shaking sobbing as she’s scared one of her relatives who lives in France was killed. What??? That’s not real, is it..? Was that his fault? Or is he over thinking things? Whatever it is, he’s sure he’ll see it outted as fake in the morning. He takes an ambien and goes off to bed. The next day, he sees his wife as cheery as ever. “Good morning honey, feeling better after last night?” “Good morning hun, what happened last night?” Billy freezes as he stops eating his eggs and bacon. “You were scared that something happened to your sister..?” “Huh? You mean Beth over in France? I was just on the phone with her why do you ask?” Billy was at a stand still, he’s beginning to hyperventilate. “Billy! Are you okay??” Pam starts his way over to him when suddenly both drop to the floor. At this moment, all the oxygen on earth has been depleted. Both Pam and Billy are violently suffocating on the ground, yearning for something that doesn’t exist anymore: oxygen. Pam passes out on the dining room floor when Billy’s vision starts getting spotty. He starts crawling, his head as turned red in the face, over to his wife. At this moment, his rib cage explodes. Billy dies immediately.

Billy then wakes up. He’s screaming out loud. So loud he wakes up his wife. “Goodness me, Billy, what’s wrong? Why are you screaming like a banshee???” Pam shouts while throwing a pillow at him. Billy is actually traumatized. Did that just happen? He felt the pain he was experiencing heavily, yet he’s back here? It’s around 9am, on his off day so they both sleep in. Maybe it was just a dream, as Billy starts waking up from his cold sweat and slowly stops shaking. At this moment, the earth stops rotating for one second. Pam and Billy both go flying out of the bedroom window at 800 miles per hour along with their house. One second passes. Pam had her skull smashed in by a flying stop sign. Billy is about to collide with Mt. Fuji at Mach 4 speeds. The second he connects, he wakes up again. He screams his heart out, but he’s not in bed. He fell asleep at his office, drooling on his keyboard. He starts getting stared by everyone who passes his cubicle. But that’s the least of his worries. Either Billy is crazy or he’s stuck in an infinite death loop. “Enjoying yourself?” Billy turns to his left in his chair to see the hooded cloaked figure from before. Billy immediately grabs him by the front of his trench coat silently yelling, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? IS THIS REAL????” “Oh this is very real. It will always be real. Isn’t this so interest-“ “STOP! WHATEVER THIS IS, STOP IT!! I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON, I JUST WANT IT TO STOP!” “Ah, well you see this cycle is infinite. There IS a way to reverse all the effects, but you can figure that out on your own.” Billy is absolutely distraught. Infinite?? He’d have to spend an eternity going through this hell? But that escape did sound good to him. Maybe he had it on him! Before Billy can begin to interrogate the man, he disappears. At this moment, the earth gains the same gravitational pull as the sun. Billy’s spine is compressed violently and his limp dead body is burried in the ground underneath a pile of rubble and sharp metal beams from his office cubicle.

Then Billy wakes up. That’s what does next. It’s what he will always do. For all of time, he will be trapped in a stupid, violent death cycle. He’ll endure everything from Anvils flying at Mach speeds to some guy breaking into his house, killing hit wife, and calling the police on himself. Flying Maces, nuclear bombs, concrete cubes, glitch dimensions, he would get very familiar with all of it. And it’s all he will know. It will get to a point where he will just lay in bed and pray. Pray to any god there is to save him from this hell. I’ll usually get interrupted by some catastrophic disaster specific to him. And that’s how it will be for all of time. It will never be the end of the earth and all who inhabit it and it will never be the end of Billy and his torment.

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